Today I got reemed out on the phone by an athiest woman. Afterwards, I hung up and attempted to hold it together for the UPS man waiting in front of my desk but I was losing it fast, so quickly tried to avoid eye contact, sign the bill and make him go away so I could cry. And cry I did. I don't know what upset me the most. Maybe it was the pure animosity that resounded from her words. Never have I been so forwardly mocked. I was personally mocked. My church and place of work were mocked. And my God. But I think, more than anything, it was the hatred I felt from her. Conflicts in relationships, especially ones of betrayal can be incomprehensibly painful, but this was different. This woman did not know me, nor did she care to. I was just her target of hatred. It was a knife being flung at me through the phone...or at least thats what it felt like. I was stumbling over my words and saying "excuse me" over and over again to try to remain calm but get through the phone call with a little bit of dignity, to try to make her stop raging at me. I would volley between bouts of defensiveness and peace-offerings. It was horrible. I wonder why that woman hates Christians so much and the church. I know sometimes we are terrible faces to this whole thing. But thats whats beautiful about it...is the grace thats involved. If I could go back in the conversation I would apologize to her and tell her that it was a shame that our church has not, in her eyes and probably many others been an asset to the community regardless of our weekend meetings. I would tell her that if we have not reached out enough to the poor or the oppressed that we have not done our part. That I personally have not done my part. And for that I am sorry.
I guess for thousands of years there have always been people who downright hate Jesus, the peace-maker, justice-seeker, social worker, radical, anti-religion and anti-routines leader who taught messages of love and hope and redemption. How does the church represent him? I know that I am much more drawn to the man than the institution, but in the latter lies community, the ugly and the thick, thin, skinny, tall and beauty wrapped up into one..
